Day 15 – 5/7/16

Not a page from the book.


I was thinking about my blog yesterday on my feelings right now. And I started thinking about the title. And I started thinking about other people that might feel the same. And I started thinking about a message to everyone and myself.

Kay I'll stop saying ‘and I started thinking’ now.

A message if you keep downgrading yourself.

Stop. Look around. And breath. Yes right now you might not feel the best. You might not look the best. But that's okay. It's okay to feel down sometimes; Because it only means that tomorrow is going to be better.
Somehow; some way. It will.

You might feel inadequate right now but feelings like that will only pass, you learn more everyday without realising.

The one thing I've learnt in life is ask the questions, I used to be so scared to raise my voice and have my opinion and questions answered. Now I'm not, because once you do it once you realise it's not so bad. As cliché as it is; no question is a stupid one.

Even I sometimes don't voice everything I want to. Even when I know the right answer, my nerves get the better of me. But I feel proud because I spoke up earlier. Praise yourself even on the little things.

And remember –

STOP BEING SO HARD ON YOURSELF.

Day 14 – 4/7/16

Not a page.

Once again you get a insight of ramblings from Lucy's life. Today it's about feeling inadequate.

I'm on training for my new job today, and for the next 3days to come. It was a reminder of why I never enjoyed high school today.
I always seem to find myself surrounded by people who are deemed as smarter or more knowledgeable.
I am a slow learner. And I learn by doing. Not reading and writing. By physically doing things.

I have yet to be sat down at my new job and shown how to physically do the things I need to do. And I'm feeling very suckish like I'm falling behind and I'm not going to be that good etc. And it's a feeling that just flashes me back to high school.

I don't know if it's just me mentally degrading myself and stressing out because I feel like I'm going to go back to the store and not actually know what I'm doing unlike everyone else.
Which is probably going to happen.

But I need to think hey, it's not he end of the world. Some people are slower than others; me included.

These are my thoughts today.
What are yours?

Day 13- 3/07/16

Not a page from the book.

It's a traveling day for me today. And my nerves have been kicking in for the past few days. So I've been thinking about a certain word a lot.

Anxiety.

I don't like claiming I have anxiety or telling people how I feel, or labelling myself at all. The only person I share my thoughts on this subject with is my boyfriend.

Claiming you have a mental illness often comes with the backlash of people asking how you know. Saying you don't because it's not as extreme as there's. Or because you haven't been properly ‘diagnosed’ by a doctor on this.

It didn't click to me how much anxiety I had inside my body till a few months ago. Which is a little weird. As I have the odd panic attack and found myself not doing things or going places because I felt anxious. But I just never put two and two together.

Yet here I was not able to go into a coffee shop because I'd never been in there before so made my boyfriend come in, stand with me while I order, and find a seat with me. Then as soon as we found a seat he had to go. And then i felt okay.
This was when it clicked that it wasn't he first time this has happened or I've felt this way.

Now last night as I was planning my trip away, and getting worried as I do. I realised that as much as my boyfriend helps me through these hard times and allows me to do more. He also makes it worse though.
2years ago I had to do everything by myself there was no ifs and buts. I didn't have people who wanted to hang out with me so if I wanted to do something I had to do it myself.

Now I have become reliant on him; more than I would like. But he is my best friend and travel buddy and he makes me feel okay.

It's crazy how the mind works and when you think your okay your actually not. And the one person who makes your life good; can hinder certain aspects in a good and bad way.

Day 12 -2/07/16

Your parents want you to learn a sport, but you really want to learn piano instead. Write a letter to your parents convincing them that you'll get the same benefits from piano lessons.

Dear ma and pa,

I am writing to you today regarding an issue that came up at dinner last night. I've had a lot of time to think about it and am confident in my argument I am about to pitch to you.

I understand that you have always wanted me to grow up as a major sports dude. From soccer to baseball; I always loved how supportive you were. I also feel like you guys enjoyed being that excited over your beloved son. I can promise you, watching me preform at piano recitals will give you that same joy. Just much quieter. Please no shouting.
I know you both knew I sucked at sports, so I don't believe you want me to get bullied again in life for trying once again to become a master sports man.
Where as while learning piano I can advance in music class and take part in performances; thus becoming a cool kid. A musically cool kid. And do I even need to mention all the rock stars and musicians that don't go on to live forever alone.
Along with exercise understand it is an important part of the life that you want me to lead.
But it's just not all sitting down, my hands are going to become incredibly strong, or should I say my fingers. Along with my neck muscles that shall grow with the music that moves through me. And with all the extra music events I will attend I promise to cycle to as many as I can to counter balance the sitting.

I hope you take into consideration my argument and all my perfectly made points. And i hope you will choose my side and help me become a rockstar with lots of money in which I will repay you for making the right decision. 

Yours faithfully
Your son.

Day 11- 1/7/16

Tell someone's entire life story in one sentence-

She didn't quite know what she was doing or where she was going; but that was okay, because the amount of plans she'd made she had almost every letter of the alphabet covered for backup.

Day 10 – 30/06/16

There were pancakes everywhere-

‘THERE WERE PANCAKES EVERYWHERE!’ he shouted as he rolled over asking if he could tell me about his dream.
‘EVERYWHERE?’ I proclaimed back to him with a smile.
‘Yeah it was crazy; like they weren't little either and they stacked so high and surrounded me so I couldn't escape I thought I was going to die’ he explained without pausing for breath, it was like he was too excited that he wanted to get out every little detail of the dream before it went poof with the rest of them.
‘Then what did you do?’ I asked.
‘Well I tried climbing at first? But they were covered in syrup which made it sticky and impossible to do. So I did the only thing I could do, eat them. I don't know how long I was eating for but man it felt like a long time of getting no where before I woke up. I wouldn't be surprised if I hit a sugar coma.’
‘They always say dreams stem from the conscience. Maybe that's how you'll die.’ I nudged him after giving him a glimpse of his future.
‘Oh man I hope not. Now I'll never be able to look at a pancake the same way again knowing one day; it will betrayal me.’ The look of disappointment on his face was the same a child has when you take its favourite toy away. ‘So what's for breakfast anyway?’ He asked thinking happier thoughts.
‘I don't know I bought some pancake mix yesterday if you want to try it out?’ I winked at him before leaving the bed.
‘Can we turn it into waffles instead? I can handle waffles right now; they're yet to betray me.’ He shouted back.

Day 9 – 29/06/16
It was my first visit from the tooth fairy and I…

I’d been told by mummy that I had to be asleep when she comes; but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want anyone else taking my tooth. It felt like a part of me was getting stolen and I just had to sit there and watch it happily. Me and this tooth had been through a lot together. This tooth was mine. At first I thought it was something they were making up, but when mummy confirmed she was real I couldn’t help but feel angry.

It was 9pm. Bed time was an hour ago and any normal night I would have fast asleep by now, but instead I was staring at the wall waiting. I expected it to be a bit like Santa where he won’t come if you don’t pretend to be asleep. But there’s no songs about Tooth fairy’s seeing all so I just lay there as still I could.

At first I thought it was just the wind as I heard a rustling coming from the window area. There not real. I kept telling myself as the rustling was becoming louder and suddenly it popped.
‘Ouch’ a small voice squealed out. I clenched my fist around my tooth harder.
Some more little thuds and a jump onto the bed later I felt her land just above my head and slowly lift up the pillow. Here I started to feel smug; she would look but find nothing. 1-0 to me. Take that tooth fairy. But instead of putting the pillow down and leaving she made a little sigh and sat down and started to, well what sounded like, cry. I lay there for a moment longer unsure what I should do. Should I turn around and address this crying thief?
I slowly started to turn my body over, making the slightest of movements in order to not startle her. Or make her fall off the bed, it is a long way down for a little person. Before I’d got all the way round to face her it went quiet.

I moved to face her quickly as she shrieked and jumped back up onto the windowsill. She was only little, and a glow followed her. Without the flow I would have said she was grey, but with the glow she looked magical. Her face was all puffy and her hair down to her shoulder all messy. She gasped again as we stood in silence facing each other unsure of the protocol.

‘Erm.. hi.’ I said slowly in order to break the silence.
‘You’re supposed to be asleep.’ I sensed she shouted this because it came out louder than id expected.
‘Im sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you; I just wanted you to leave when you couldn’t find my tooth.’ I opened my clenched fist to show her the tooth was with me before quickly closing it again. I didn’t want her pulling any magic on me and taking my tooth.
‘You can’t keep that! Its mine!’ She pointed looking shocked.
‘NO! Its mine and always has been and always will be.’ I crossed my arms in a sulk on the bed and she did the same sitting down on the windowsill.
‘But you don’t understand.’ She sighed. ‘I need that otherwise ill lose my job!’
‘How do you loose your job; you’re a tooth fairy!’
‘I wasn’t born a tooth fairy though, no one is, were all just regular fairys, you have tests and lessons to do before you get tooth fairy status and if you can’t bring your quoted teeth back of the night you could just become a normal fairy again!’

I suddenly started to feel sad. This fairy needed the tooth more than I did, it served me well, and maybe it can with her. ‘Why do you sound so sad about it all? I might be able to give you my tooth if you promise to be happy!’ I didn’t like seeing people sad.
She suddenly jumped up and the glow around her flashed. ‘Are you sure?! I’m low on my quote for the week you see, I’m not the best fairy, and I’ve been having trouble getting into people’s houses.’ She shyly looked down at her feel.
‘It’s okay, I just didn’t want you to steal it, but now you’re not. I’m giving it to you.’ I held out my hand for her to fly into where she picked up the tooth which was half her size and put it into a little bag she had around her body.
‘Oh thank you so much Elizabeth; you truly are a star. I promise ill put a good word in with Santa and whenever I come to collect more of your teeth ill always be happy. I just have one problem.’
‘You have my tooth what more could you want?’ I was puzzled by the extra request. But I promised regardless. I didn’t really have a choice, and off she went, leaving me behind some money in exchange for my tooth.

The one condition was no one could know of our chat. Fairys aren’t allowed to interact with humans, it’s all supposed to be fantasy. She asked me this before hinting that if I was to tell a soul, tell my brother. Apparently shed had a crush on him since she started collecting his teeth two years ago!!! Gross.

Day 8 – 28/06/16

Nice outfit.

‘Nice outfit’ he said Shouted across the bar.
She was daydreaming his way so he immediately caught her attention.
‘Thanks.’ She nodded back at him while continuing to gaze around. He had a nice face and could quite possibly be her type but she wasn’t here to meet guys tonight. She knew if she brought another guy back to the table Shannon would kill her. Shed promised.

He started to move closer to her, sliding round the bar with such grace as they both still waited to be served.
‘Hey let me buy you a drink and you can tell me where you got those shoes!’ he pointed at her new pastel pink boots shed bought today.
She nodded in acceptance and smiled while getting a close look at the male making his way towards her. Tall, well built, nice tan, and dark brown hair with a little bit of stubble. The perfect recipe for disaster she thought. But a free drink couldn’t hurt? Especially when he’s going to pretend he actually cares about my shoes she thought. She didn’t have to bring him back to the table, just a casual bar chat and they’d go their separate ways.

As they stood there turning from strangers to Acquaintances, forgetting that they were in front of the group next to them to be served as they moved from her outfit to his, and trading story’s from work. She started to realise they had a lot more in common than shed hoped for. He worked for a fashion magazine in London, how cliché she thought; however impressed she was, she was determined not to show it. She worked for a shop just up the road from the bar she shared; His family’s from Italy, hence the dark skin he pointed out. Again trying to sound unimpressed she thought of the vacations in Italy with his family. Before the bubble popped it was as if immediately she heard all her friends telling her to stop. She’d done this before, many times before….

Planning a future with a guy shed just met. But no one could deny the chemistry they had. Before she let herself dive any further into planning her soon to be holiday with this stranger. She decided to try make an exit.

‘Its been lovely talking to you but my friends waiting so I have to go check on her.’ She started to pull away before he grabbed her hand.
‘But I didn’t get to buy you that drink!’ He proclaimed with a sad expression across his face. ‘An outfit like that deserves a guy to buy them a drink.’
The compliment was flattering and it took everything in Tammy to walk away.
‘Im sorry I really have to go it was lovely meeting you!’ in the back of her mind she wanted him to stop her and give her his number. Just as she slowly turned away he grabbed her once more. She knew it.
‘Hey! Here’s my number in case you have any more great fashion ideas I’d love to know about them, me and my boyfriend are always looking for new icons.’ 

There it was, she slumped back next to Shannon and handed her the piece of paper she just received.
‘Hey if I’m not mistaken you should be more enthusiastic that YOU got a guy’s number and didn’t have to offer yours first!’ Shannon squealed at Tammy.
‘I would be, if it was always gay guys with boyfriends that keep giving me there numbers! This is the third time this week alone!! I need to stop dressing so proper and then I might attract someone of the opposite sex who wants someone of the opposite sex.
‘I don’t know.’ Shannon gleamed as she started to pull Tammy up from the seat. ‘I hear gay guys are excellent lovers!’
She laughed as she started to dance ‘well id hope so they all have excellent faces!’ She shouted back as they made their way towards the dance floor.

Day 7 – 27/06/2016
Write a postcard from one fairy tale character to another.

Dear Tinkerbell,
I saw a star the other day glistening from above as I was rising from the sea and it reminded me of you. I hope things are okay in Neverland, I promise to visit soon! Say Hi to Peter for me too. Eric and I have just taken a holiday to Arendelle, I don’t think he liked the cold very much but Olaf took him under his wing, which was nice. I’m loving being able to transform between land and water with this bracelet my dad made. It’s a shame it doesn’t work the other way round so I could show Eric my world. But that’s okay, there’s so many wonderful things in his to keep me occupied. I learnt what a pig is the other day too. They’re rather funny little things! Who knew an animal could be pink! How peculiar.

Rapunzel keeps writing to me about cutting my hair. Since she cut it short and got it brown its like she wants everyone to do the same! I do love her but damn she can be annoying. She and Flynn are on some crazy trip around the lands so you might end up seeing her soon. If you do; don’t let her near your hair! I’m warning you Tink, your bun will be gone in a snip!

Anyway I better go, just wanted to write in and check you are okay.
Keep flying Tink; always think happy thoughts.
I shall see you soon,
Ariel.

Day 6 – 26/06/26

Describe how it feels to be underwater.

I am a mermaid lover. I grew up obsessing over the TV show H20, every time I was in a swimming pool I would perfect the mermaid glide underwater, making sure my legs with tail like. I wanted to be a mermaid, I still do.
But now instead of swimming like a mermaid I’ve found my favourite way of gliding through water is on my back slowing sliding my arms up and down in a stoke. Listening the water glide around me, my head out looking at the sky. This feeling is the feeling of being underwater for me. It’s the best feeling I find.

As I lie there, looking either at the sky or the roof of the establishment, everything outside the water doesn’t matter, it’s muffled, you could try talk to me but I’ve already gone to another world. My body is there but my mind is empty. It’s the one time I truly feel at peace with myself and my soul. I’m becoming one with the water and my body moves perfectly through it. I am a mermaid; I wish.

It’s a  magical feeling being completely underwater, it feels as though you are defying theories,  you know it’s not human to remain underwater but it’s all you want to do. And then, when it gets too much, and your lungs can’t hold it. That feeling you get of pushing yourself upwards, it comes so easy and you feel like you’re going so fast but never fast enough. You break through and almost automatically; there you are. Back in the real world. You breathe and you see, you hear the noise that was muffled a second ago, the voices of those around you. And you remember despite feeling it; you were never truly alone.

Day 5 – 25/06/2016

If you were a superhero, what would your name be, and what would your superpower be?

I liked this one because of a book I re-read the other day, called All My Friends are Superheroes. It’s a wonderful little short story based on an ordinary guy who falls into a friendship group of superheroes. Except these aren’t just any superheroes. They are the most normal/random superheroes you can imagine. There’s the ear, who hears all from a far without the cotton bud he puts in his ears. There’s hypo who can hypnotise anyone if they really want what he’s saying. There’s the perfectionist, the falling girl, the spooner. He’s my favourite. If it happened enough, it would become your superpower, you were then that thing. It consumed you.

It’s just a beautiful book with a little love story and quirky stories. But it gets you thinking, if I had to pick a superhero trait on my personality, I could easily be all of the seven dwarfs combined. And now that I’ve written that I can’t handle how true that statement is. I am the emotionalist, fluxing between them all.

If I could pick a superpower though I do believe transportation would be a good one. Who needs to pay for flights, just hold onto my arm like they do in Harry Potter. I could be Wizard girl. Not really good for anything but just always there.

Before you pick your superpower, go read All My Friends are Superheroes, just to benefit your soul and find perspective on the perfect talent for your personality.

Day 4 – 24/06/16

The entire neighbourhood is beige and grey, but at the end of the street sits a bright blue house. Who lives there?

This bright blue house at the end of the street,
That only some had the eyes to see,
With its pink driveway and green door,
Who knew inside there was more to explore?

A twist of the handle and inside we went,
To see a dog sitting on a bench,
The bench in the hall, quite a peculiar place,
But not for the blue house,
Nothing was out of place.

A Skip and a step we went up the stairs,
To find only what some might dare,
A hammock on the side of a stairs.
Dangling over the bench bellow,
Inside sat a funny fellow,
He giggled with joy trying to hide himself,
But it was too late for we could see,

The man who lived at number 23,
The blue house with the pink drive,
And the green door he lives inside,
He has nothing but a dog for his company,
And yet this old many is never without any glee.