Im going on holiday soon. A proper, all-inclusive exotic sun, sand and sea holiday. I shall sit by the pool and read and refresh my mind. But it’s the first proper holiday ive been on since I was a kid. I had nothing to worry about back then, bikinis and boobs weren’t an issue in my mind.
Ive never been overly confidant over my small boobs, I spent years getting bullied by guys over the size of them and the last remark I had on my books was by a female co-worker last year. So I was 20 years old and still getting bullied over the fact god didn’t bless me with large breasts.
Over time you learn to brush it off, but when I entered a relationship it took me a good while to feel confident being naked around him.

But as I stood in a bikini and analysed my body I wanted to break down and cry. For I felt like I did growing up, hearing peoples voices calling me a boy. I stood and stared at myself, for I felt like all my feminine features were gone. My top half gone. If I thought this now what would other people think?
Both swimwear outfits I purchased made me hate my body. For I stared in disgust over how I could think about bracing a beach with a body like mine? While people stared and made remarks.
My partner helps me love my body, but with a mind-set and the cruelty of others has lead me to have a part of my brain that will always feel embarrassed when unclothed. Vulnerable to the comments of the public.
It used to be worse than this, for up until last year I hated my bottom half, my body isn’t particularly in proportion to what a small thin person’s body would be like. But ive spent my life receiving comments from anyone who opens their mouth over my body. For I am not allowed to dislike parts, I should be blessed that people want a body like mine, nothing’s wrong with my body. But at the same time I was receiving opposite comments and my brain was causing hate on parts of me as I sat comparing to what a size 8 should look like.
Now im 21 years old and struggling scrolling through ever website I can find in hopes to find something that will make me smile over my body and feel good.

I shall let you know how it goes.