I like to believe there is something else after death. I think it puts my mind at ease about the whole ‘dying’ part of life.

I lost my grandad, a very important person to me, 2 years ago and I write a lot about the loss of him and still dealing with the grief that comes with losing someone in your life.

A few weeks ago I awoke from a dream that involved my Grandad. The dream was incredibly real but my brain thought nothing of it until a  point in the dream where I went over to my grandad and he told me how proud he was of me and how he’d been reading my blog and all the things I wrote about him.

I woke up and honestly I didn’t know how to feel, I felt like I had been visited by him to reassure me I was on the right track. I don’t know if I believe in angels but the feeling I had after that dream was something else. I tried to hold on to the vision in my head for as long as I could and I didn’t want to sleep that night in case I lost the feeling of having my grandad around again. The worlds a funny place and sometimes you can be the most cynical person until something happens in your life and makes you re-evaluate everything.

My last post on this blog was about the upcoming year and riding the wave and being in control again. The funny thing is, all that came crashing down the other week when we had some news that did not correlate with our life/plans/financial situation. I was gutted. It felt like everything we were building just got knocked down in a second. Its situations like these and the one above in my life that remind me I just have to focus on myself and my track.

Be selfish, be positive and just get on with shit. Our life is up in the air at the moment, we don’t have anywhere to live anymore, we don’t have the funds yet to feel secure and we don’t know when we can find a new place. Our life is getting packed back into boxes and It hurts, deeply. This wasn’t how our 2019 was supposed to plan out, but it is. Its unstable and im beginning to think nothing will go right. But its okay, im healthy and I have one person by my side throughout this bullshit river we’re treading through.