Misty months
Where has she been?
I feel like my social presence took a nose dive. I would post Instagram stories here and there but as for that, I couldn’t bring myself to post anything, I couldn’t even bring myself to write.
I felt lost, and not the lost I’ve felt before. I didn’t know how to be me.
A lot has changed in my life recently and I couldn’t really do anything about it other than sit and watch it go up in flames, and within those flames went the piece of me who knew how to handle life.
If I wasn’t looking at flats, stressing about money or working out how I’m going to get to work now I live in the middle of nowhere, I didn’t know what to do. Stress consumed me, it took every ounce of my body and used it till when I wasn’t scrolling on trade me or biting my nails from worry, I just sat there. Empty.
I only realised it when I pulled out my book on one of my long bus journeys and I felt my mind slip away again, it slipped into this weird happy place I hadn’t visited in a long time and I felt the joy I got from doing something I loved again. I was scared to open up a word document as my mind couldn’t conjure a sentence anymore. Id lost everything I enjoyed doing.
When in fact I hadn’t, my brain just didn’t have room as suddenly all this other stuff was taking front and centre and it took me a long time to realise this.
If you’re struggling the same I would suggest taking time, taking time for yourself. Go for a walk, breath. Do something that you used to enjoy but are scared to do in case you’ve lost it, that was me with reading. A book has always been my safety blanket through it all and I was terrified id lost my safety blanket for good. And although the long commutes are the bane of my life right now, it was the one thing that let me sit there for an hour a day alone, just me, myself, and 50other people on this bus.
But slowly, day my day I am pulling myself and my brain out of this whole I thought I was stuck in. I drove for the first time in Auckland by myself!!! And I even filled up my car for the first time by myself!! Although small things to any normal person, to myself it was a massive achievement that I actually didn’t think would happen during this misty period.
It feels good to be back on word again. Hearing the keyboard beneath my fingers, and letting my brain spill out all these words its had flying around it for the past two months.
I feel like my social presence took a nose dive. I would post Instagram stories here and there but as for that, I couldn’t bring myself to post anything, I couldn’t even bring myself to write.
I felt lost, and not the lost I’ve felt before. I didn’t know how to be me.
A lot has changed in my life recently and I couldn’t really do anything about it other than sit and watch it go up in flames, and within those flames went the piece of me who knew how to handle life.
If I wasn’t looking at flats, stressing about money or working out how I’m going to get to work now I live in the middle of nowhere, I didn’t know what to do. Stress consumed me, it took every ounce of my body and used it till when I wasn’t scrolling on trade me or biting my nails from worry, I just sat there. Empty.
I only realised it when I pulled out my book on one of my long bus journeys and I felt my mind slip away again, it slipped into this weird happy place I hadn’t visited in a long time and I felt the joy I got from doing something I loved again. I was scared to open up a word document as my mind couldn’t conjure a sentence anymore. Id lost everything I enjoyed doing.
When in fact I hadn’t, my brain just didn’t have room as suddenly all this other stuff was taking front and centre and it took me a long time to realise this.
If you’re struggling the same I would suggest taking time, taking time for yourself. Go for a walk, breath. Do something that you used to enjoy but are scared to do in case you’ve lost it, that was me with reading. A book has always been my safety blanket through it all and I was terrified id lost my safety blanket for good. And although the long commutes are the bane of my life right now, it was the one thing that let me sit there for an hour a day alone, just me, myself, and 50other people on this bus.
But slowly, day my day I am pulling myself and my brain out of this whole I thought I was stuck in. I drove for the first time in Auckland by myself!!! And I even filled up my car for the first time by myself!! Although small things to any normal person, to myself it was a massive achievement that I actually didn’t think would happen during this misty period.
It feels good to be back on word again. Hearing the keyboard beneath my fingers, and letting my brain spill out all these words its had flying around it for the past two months.
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