Sometimes I wish I wasn’t living in an age that is all about technology. She says as she types on her laptop to post on her online blog that she’ll check later on her smartphone to see how received it is.  

I often sit on my lunch break scrolling between three apps, sat at a table full of other people scrolling on their apps too. Breaking every now and then for conversation as we all laugh at the fact we’re on our phones and I hate it. I sit there and I think about all the productive stuff I could be doing, I itch to write and I feel my time slipping away from me. I started bringing my book to read but sometimes its too hard to concentrate when there is chatter going on around. And then I feel guilty as it sits in my bag and I neglect it for my phone.

My computer is chunky, its chunky but funky. Its old. I got it when I was in college for my coursework. That was 7years ago now. Its temperamental, slow, and heavy and ive looked at ones that would be ideal for me to take to work so I could spend my time more productively writing. However I don’t currently have the funds to afford a new laptop so instead I sit wishing I had a new one. I also think I am personally attached to my current one and I know when I get a new one my current one will not be disappearing any time soon. Shes stuck with me through all my moves, shes reliable in some ways.

I used to write the majority of my poetry on my phone, the word app is honestly my best friend and any writer/bloggers best friend when they’re out and about. It is a life saver along with one drive. Thankyou Microsoft. But I haven’t really been inspired for poetry recently and most of my inspiration currently comes from when im behind a keyboard. Once again going back to wishing I wasn’t living in an age that is all about technology.

I write letters to my Grandma in England every few weeks. I started it when I first moved out to New Zealand 4years ago and I keep every letter. I know I can buy a phone plan and ring her every week but personally I like getting excited and checking the mail, I like seeing my name hand written on the letter. I like taking time out of my day to put pen to paper and I like the fact that one day, when she’s not there to write to I will still have all her letters and stories to me.

I feel guilty whenever im out and Im seen taking photos on my phone, yes I have cameras, I do like to invest in good cameras as I am interested in photography/videography however some days I just want to whip out my phone and use the camera on their to snap the perfect pic. I feel judged doing it in some places, and heck sometimes I judge myself. But I have to realise that I do live in a world heavily invested in technology.
We need it to survive.
We need it in our lives.

And as much as sometimes I wish I wasn’t and I wish everything was pen and paper black and white board games, its not. 

But I will never stop asking my 11year old cousin to play a board game with me over playing on his xbox. Because I grew up with cards, dominos, and board games whenever a family member came over. I want him to have a snippet of that from me too.

Its hard being stuck in the middle. I’m from a generation where the only computer we had growing up was in my dads office and we weren’t allowed on it. Then when we did get a computer it was in the kitchen and we were all allowed an hour on it each. Our first gaming device was a Gameboy that was bought for all of us to share, the same with the play station. Sharing between four limited out time and the rest of the time we were outside playing games. The first phone I got was a flip phone when I went to high school and data wasn’t even a thing. I look at peoples siblings, my younger family members and I wish they had the same experience with technology. Then I get scared for my children, and how I want them to see the world. I try and limit my use on social media, and especially on my phone in public because I want to raise a child where I can hand them a book or toy when we’re out to eat. Not an ipad or my phone because they’ve seen mummy on it all the time and want it too. This is my goal, I know it’s hard to achieve when everything is on your phone and within such quick reach however I try my best. And I will continue to try my best.

Technology is actually really damaging for my mental health I’ve learnt how to deal with some aspects around it but my only solution for the rest is to cut my time. Hence why I try so hard.