In the past week I seem to have dived into the makeup side of YouTube and now I am obsessed with watching people do their makeup thinking I can learn something from it. 

I recently bought a lot of makeup I wouldn’t have thought to use a year ago, I’ve delved into the world of setting spray, setting powder, actual foundation and bronzer. Im always late to the game as I only started wearing makeup when I was 17 and it consisted of mascara and eyeliner. I felt powerful with my wings so high and then I started adding lipstick and felt like my face wasn’t complete till I had lipstick on.

Then 2 years later I delved into eyeshadow and now I question how I wore just eyeliner and no eyeshadow? Eyeshadow is now my bitch and on those ‘ugh I cba’ makeup days I chuck some eyeshadow on and I’m good.

Now I’m diving deeper and deeper into the makeup world and I’m loving it.
But I look back to teenage me and I cringe at how much better I thought I was without makeup.

I wasn’t.

In high school makeup Is banned, its like a forbidden fruit and the teachers at my school loved coming round with makeup wipes and taking away the cocaine that filled all the teenage girls in my class. I sat there and watched at how -

I was an advocate of natural beauty, I didn’t have many spots during my high school years so I was blessed with not feeling super self-conscious of my face and I used to sit there smugly while 8/10 girls in my class got victimised by teachers to scrub their faces in front of the class, because being a teenage girl in high school isn’t hard enough.

I look back and want to slap myself because I was no better than them. I am still no better than them, we are all equal and it saddens me that I pitted my worth against others.
When I started wearing makeup I ended up falling into the same pit a lot of girls fell into in high school. I didn’t feel like my face was worthy to be seen outside without makeup for about 2 years. I would always put makeup on when even just going to the shops and I became embarrassed of this contrast of a person I had become. But it is so easy to get stuck in the mentality.

Now I live in the city, so popping to the shops for me doesn’t include just bumping into locals, its bumping into everyone from around the world. But I feel so powerful knowing that now I can venture out without makeup on. But I feel just as powerful when I have my full face of makeup on.

It’s a balance that has taken me 22years to achieve and I now look at makeup as more than just face paint, it is a true art. One I don’t have the skills to yet but I try. A for effort.

I used to feel so smug saying I didn’t wear makeup when I was younger. Now I realise I had nothing over those that did wear makeup nor did they have anything over me. I have grown up and become more and more into spreading love and positivity to other girls rather than pitching us all against each other. So it saddens me to realise that in high school I was doing the opposite.