Growing up or growing old?

I turn 21 soon and 21 is considered a true adult age. I know this as I was 20 traveling with a 21year old and he was deemed the responsible adult as I wasn’t classed as one yet.
So I’m stuck in this mind-set of feeling like an 8year old, looking like a 13year old and turning the legal age of 21.

But whats the difference between age and mentality. I deal with a lot of adult things from my family, I proof read papers my mother has to send, I have responsibilities I wish I could trade, I spent a year living alone and survived. But if you put my favourite album on I will get up and sing at the top of my voice and dance around the room, whether alone or with a best friend. I still laugh at poop jokes and playfight my boyfriend while screaming. Im surrounded by people my age getting engaged and popping out their 3rd child. While im still getting tomato sauce on my joggers on a Tuesday night while watching a movie alone. Falling asleep at 10 and struggling to wake up at 8.

But I work everyday I can, Im applying for a visa that will shape the rest of my life, im drinking wine on weekends and being a P.A to a super talented artist.
While avoiding writing, watching the office and playing too many games of a mobile version of League of Legends all thanks to my partner. Im in a cross of freaking out at colleagues getting mortgages but I’m spending a massive amount of money on hopes of moving to the other side of the words to officially start our life. Im stuck between slowly avoiding growing up but constantly realising im growing older. Just not in my face, more in my bones, is it possible for a 20year old to have such bad knees?


‘They says you don’t grow up your just grow old, its safe to say I haven’t done both’